A Double Love Story
Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free

Let me start this by saying freckles were not always my friend. Growing up they were a continuing taunt to me. From a child I fell into the trap of low self-esteem, negative thoughts toward myself and let’s be honest a direct dislike for who God, the artist, designed my appearance to be. These feelings sadly are from the harsh realities we face growing up in a world full of comparison and false images of perfection. The world makes this box of what beauty looks like and if we don’t fit into it…they sure don’t hesitate to let us know about it.

We have let the world define beauty for us instead of allowing the creator of our very being define it.

Being an artist myself I have often pondered the process of creation. An artist has a vision in mind, and works to create that. Now imagine that drawing or painting suddenly speaking a mind of its own and letting the artist know that it in fact hates what the artist has created. That it will not receive the beauty that the creator found in it.

This is the problem that we have today. This is why so many of us deal with these issues that we let define our worth and beauty. We are looking at what the world says instead of what the Word says. God created us in His image. He is the artist. I’m pretty sure He is a lot better equipped to carve us out then we are. If we could truly embrace what He sees in us, oh the freedom we could walk in.

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Welp, go ahead and pull up a seat and put your listening ears on. This is my story of embracing this mark that God choose for me, my journey to being Freckled & Free. And as grueling and oh brother bob (eye-roll) I feel sharing it…I know someone out there needs to hear it. They might be walking this very path and if I can empty out my experience and be vulnerable to help one of you stop this now and put new eyes on to see yourself…it’s worth it. So here we go.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Angel kisses. That’s what those who loved me would say freckles were. Well, if that were the true case, I’ve been getting a whole-heck-of-a-lot of kisses all my life and should have considered this quite the blessing. And let’s be real…others should have saw me and considered it an honor to know me being that loved on (haha).

Growing up my friends were all beautiful, tan and had just the right color lashes. And can I just say can we give the blonde eye-lash girls some love? All my other blonde eye-lash peeps…you know what I’m talking about. We either get told we look exhausted or asked if we are sick (laughing emoji here). Let’s be real, I felt like I’m just a blonde eye-lashed girl living in a highly desired dark-lash world. You wouldn’t be surprised to know that I also had strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and an ocean of freckles. Like my father, sometimes in the summer the number of freckles on my arms glowing in the sun became one nation and for a moment I would feel tan.

Clearly, I always knew I had a lot of Irish in me and you wouldn’t be surprised to know becoming a River Dancer was another dream on the list (along with being a cowgirl, a storm chaser and a news anchor/broadcaster/meteorologist and a cloud-ologist). My heart loved the Lord even at a young age. I wanted to honor my father and mother in all things (but I didn’t always do it right). My imagination was wondrous and the world was a beautiful place to me. Since a child I had been boy crazy, or a dreamer of love. Always thinking what if that’s my husband or him? However, I was continuously made to feel less in my heart and embarrassed especially by boys of my freckles (they must not have got the memo about the angel kisses).

I was continuously left out growing up as my friends were literally singled out everywhere (seriously though), as others went on and on of how beautiful they were and how much this or that person wanted their son to meet them. I would literally be left standing there by myself feeling less and asking God why no one thought I was beautiful (I wasn’t looking in the right mirror aka God’s Word).

In school I would like a boy and back then “pass the note – will you go out with me?” To continuously be told no (thankful now let’s be honest). One year some of the boys I had liked began to make fun of me all the time. My freckles specifically being their source of comedic value. These boys began to bully me by singing on the bus, “Fifty-nifty, United States from the thirteen original colonies…” over and over they would sing it in reference to the number of freckles I had on what felt like a daily occasion. My little heart was crushed. I can remember so many times crying when I got home. And sadly on top of what I thought was my freckle issue, I can remember thinking as far back as third grade that I was fat! And this is why from a young age we need to know and be taught who we are in Christ, that He is an amazing designer and we are so uniquely and specifically made with such intricate details.

By my teens and after a few temporarily boyfriends and heartaches my heart was officially saddened (I’m sure some of you can relate to the teenage life). I learned that unless you were a girl who was going to give it all away, you weren’t going to have a boyfriend (I wasn’t one of those ladies and let me just add ladies, you CAN do this, you have to get your thinking past these temporary teenage thoughts of feeling like no one is ever going to like you because you’re wrong). I know from experience if we turn to Him in these moments and we wait on Him…in His timing…He lines up that man He was creating specifically for you from the very beginning.

From all these moments I had to start to find my own way. My momma (she’s the best) was always there to encourage me and reassure me. But I, Bethany, had to give it to God and receive His truths about me for me. From those moments I began to not desire a boyfriend but to seek and pray earnestly about the husband God had for me (come on ladies — or men praying for your wife…you can do this!). I decided I wouldn’t date anyone unless I knew from God, he could be my husband. Most importantly, I had to focus on my relationship with God, spending time with Him, looking to His Word to be a mirror of my own reflection. I had to get that right and I had to know that what God thought about me WAS ENOUGH. But God, being the sweet creator He is, decided to send love my way. A helpmate that He would use to further mold me to see myself the way God sees me. And you know when we make these decisions to hand it to God, it brings Him such joy. My daddy always said God loves to flex His muscles for us and show us what He can do. It wasn’t but a few months later from this decision that God began to show me who my husband was (HELLO). And let me just say God knows exactly what we need.

I began to get peeks of him in the hallways at school. It was his eyes I saw first. Piercing and the most purest blue. I began to look forward to passing him in the halls (not in a stalker way). And while I didn’t necessarily know it then, he would check off all the things I wrote in my journal about as a little girl that I wanted in a husband. Dark hair, tan, blue eyes, loved the Lord with all his heart. As small as our high school was this boy, I knew nothing about.

How we came to be I will save for another day (it’s a good story). But this boy who did love the Lord, he built me up, he reassured me the beauty that God made in me inside and out. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman that ever walked the Earth (dreamy right?) in a gentleman way. All those hateful and hurtful things that were said about me by others and myself, he (teaming up with God) slowly began to erase from my heart all those hurts. From his encouragement in our dating years to our married years, God has used him to rebuild my esteem and self-image. I cannot tell you how far I have come and while I haven’t completely arrived where I want to be, the journey has been far, and the progress has been great. From my daddy’s favorite movie, Jeremiah Johnson – “You’ve come far pilgrim.” That’s how it feels. It wasn’t that I needed a man to tell me those things to make me whole, but it was God loving me, seeing the desires of my heart for a Godly husband and yes, He can use others through Himself to even more bring healing and revelation of who He is and how He views us to our hearts. What a sweet God.

I walk much differently than I did back then. Vanity doesn’t consume my thoughts or define me. Flares ups occasionally try to beat me back down, but I remember. I remember God’s Word and I remember my husband’s love for me. The me that was growing up was beautiful, and the me after four kids is beautiful. What I have learned is we can let the devil steal our joy and rob us of soooo many moments and soooo many seasons and I don’t want to be robbed anymore. I want to cherish who God made me to be. I want to walk and take care of my temple the way God designed me too. I want to live in the now, not dwell on the past and not over analyze the future. I want to walk this journey of life out with God holding my hand and reminding me to be present. To listen now, to cherish now, to embrace the good and the blessings now. To believe what my husband says about me and what God’s Word says about me. Whether my skin has a blemish or a scar, I am beautiful (you are beautiful). My body in the now is beautiful and in the photo beautiful. Carrying the thoughts and precepts of God allows His light to radiate from us. So, I’m going to soak in them, so I can pour it out.

You see, when we ask God and make room for Him to work in us, He does. I asked Him to show me who He had for me, and I trusted Him, and He sent me that God fearing, faithful (and let me add…handsome man), who most importantly (and come on, how sweet of God?!) his favorite feature of mine is MY FRECKLES.

I am Freckled & Free and there is so much JOY there. Will you join me?

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them—any more than I could count the sand of the sea.” Psalm 139:13-18 MSG

Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free