Going Into the Unknown
Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free
“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.” Hebrews 11:8 ESV
Have you ever just had some seriously crazy days as a mother? I feel this is how most of my week has gone. Mothering is so hard and let’s be honest when you become a mother none of us have ever done it before and truly have the slightest clue what we’re doing right!? We’re just figuring this thing out one day at a time. I’ve come to realize even with 10 years under my belt, I’m still new at this thing and to say it’s a challenge is an understatement. It’s a test of every fiber of your being. Maybe this job description should include running around crazy with your head unattached or the ability to be pulled in one thousand directions at once. And although it’s truly a blessing to be a mother (don’t hear me wrong here, my cup overfloweth with JOY about it), sigh, somedays…shoot some weeks…just feel like this. And yes, it’s ok to say that (back to being human right!?).
Sometimes as a mom we try to be our best at everything. I know I struggle with this and many nights go to bed feeling defeated in all things. Perhaps because I choose to homeschool intensifies it all, leaving little breaks between myself and my children. I often wonder how do I balance it all? How do I give each child the attention they deserve? How do I hear each one of their thoughts to my fullest attention and still get everything on the list done?
Perhaps what has seemed so large lately amongst it all is the underlying pressure I have felt with things I’m trying to take care of in my body or the fact that I’m still grieving the loss of my father. Going through things is hard and losing someone is even harder. The world rages on around you never stopping, while you seek your mind frantically. Always trying to grasp more memories of them, to think of the them daily, to remember their voice, their mannerisms and the things they said. We all go through things like this and mothering doesn’t halt. It’s just that life is hard some days and all these thoughts combined can be overwhelming if you overthink it too much all at once.
I’ve had too many dinners in the oven and not one getting finished. If I can’t keep up with the house, I feel I fail my husband’s expectations. If I can’t get through the day without losing my cool a couple of times due to children’s fights (even though I start out each day pronouncing, it’s going to be a good day! I’m going to be patient!) this causes me to fail myself and the picture of motherhood I wish to be. I can’t devout all my time to one area and I am pulled in constant directions (AKA whirlwind). If we dwell too much on keeping up with everything, we can start to feel like we can’t succeed at anything. I allowed myself to be in this vulnerable spot this week and it didn’t help I wasn’t keeping up with speaking truth in my mind and casting down vain imaginations (which is a must). This is so crucial to walking in truth and kicking the lies out.
It is in these moments that even more cause me to see my need for Jesus so clearly. I thought I was patient until I became a mother. I thought I was calm and well-tempered before I became a mother. The amount of uglies revealed to one’s self during motherhood is astounding. The beauty of it all is that God uses every inch of it. Every single maddening moment to teach us if we would allow Him to.
Motherhood has taught me I truly can’t take one hour, one minute, one second without desperately calling out to Jesus for direction, for guidance, for patience, for teaching me to exhale, to slow down and find a way to hear and be gentle in response. To discipline when necessary and how to discipline. How to seek His ways and how to teach these life lessons to our children, all the while we are learning ourselves.
Motherhood is so like Abraham. Abraham hearing the voice of God and going into the unknown. He didn’t know where he was going or what exactly he ways doing but every step he relied on God’s Word to show him and direct him. Like Abraham we daily go into the unknown. While it is challenging, it is also beautiful. When we seek the Lord for every moment, He meets us.
We must be humble. We must have teachable spirits to grow, to be flexible, to hear. In desperation to hear from Him I turned the worship up loud and the kiddos and I had worship time. I poured myself out to Jesus, ashamed of the mother I was being and the funk I was in. I had been focusing on all the bad moments, the disobedient moments and my view was clouded of the most precious things to me. I asked Jesus to restore the joy of motherhood to my heart. Jesus already knowing all my thoughts so sweetly listened as always and held me with His love. I asked Him to show me what to do. What else do I need to let go of? To remove? As I asked to hear from Him, I felt Him whisper to me and bring to my remembrance this scripture; The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: they mercy, O Lord, endureth forever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. Psalm 138:8.
Wow. When mothering is hard, He always knows what we have need of. And maybe some of you are thinking this lady is crazy now right!? Haha, if you do not yet know Jesus, there is something so unexplainable to the way you can feel the true love of Jesus surround you. He ever so gently holds us as His love surrounds us and you feel no condemnation but love, grace, mercy and hope. Jesus brings us peace. Ultimate peace in all ways. When life intensifies, I encourage you to turn up the worship music and seek His face. He always meets you even in the madness.
In our humanness sometimes our emotions and flesh get the best of us. We’re like tangled-up knots that we must allow him to unwind and set right. To put us back in proper order. To restore us. This only happens when we allow Him to. Get in His Word. Get in your worship. Speak with Him all the day long as you go. He can guide us as mothers just like He did Abraham and what an inheritance is waiting for us!
Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free