The Sure but Fluid Call
Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free

I often find myself reflecting on Moses and Gideon. Men of the Bible who God so clearly kept speaking to.

Calling in fact.

Reading the scriptures I’ve been dumbfounded by their doubt in the work God so evidently spoke. Audible and visual confirmations. Signs and wonders.

How could doubt resonate on a word so sure?

We find most of the story of Moses in Exodus chapters 3-14. But for now, chew on this snippet.

“The Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing flame of fire from the midst of a bush; and he looked, and behold, the bush was on fire, yet it was not consumed. So Moses said, “I must turn away [from the flock] and see this great sight—why the bush is not burned up.” Exodus 3:2-3 

“Then He said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” Then Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.” Exodus 3:6 

“Therefore, come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh, and then bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.”  But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” And God said, “Certainly I will be with you, and this shall be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve and worship God at this mountain.”  Exodus 3:12

“Then Moses answered [the Lord] and said, “What if they will not believe me or take seriously what I say? For they may say, ‘The Lord has not appeared to you.’ “ And the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” And he said, “A staff.” Then He said, “Throw it on the ground.” So Moses threw it on the ground, and it became a [living] serpent [like the royal symbol on the crown of Pharaoh]; and Moses ran from it. But the Lord said to Moses, “Reach out your hand and grasp it by the tail.” So he reached out his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand— [“You shall do this,” said the Lord,] “so that the elders may believe that the Lord, the God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has [most certainly] appeared to you.” The Lord also said to him, “Put your hand into your robe [where it covers your chest].” So he put his hand into his robe, and when he took it out, his hand was leprous, as white as snow. Then God said, “Put your hand into your robe again.” So he put his hand back into his robe, and when he took it out, it was restored [and was] like the rest of his body. “If they will not believe you or pay attention to the evidence of the first sign, they may believe the evidence of the second sign. But if they will not believe these two signs or pay attention to what you say, you are to take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground; and the water which you take out of the river will turn into blood on the dry ground.” Then Moses said to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I am not a man of words (eloquent, fluent), neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute or the deaf, or the seeing or the blind? Is it not I, the Lord?  Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and will teach you what you shall say.”  But he said, “Please my Lord, send the message [of rescue to Israel] by [someone else,] whomever else You will [choose].” Then the anger of the Lord was kindled and burned against Moses; He said, “Is there not your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know that he speaks fluently. Also, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be overjoyed.  You must speak to him and put the words in his mouth; I, even I, will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and I will teach you what you are to do.  Moreover, he shall speak for you to the people; he will act as a mouthpiece for you, and you will be as God to him [telling him what I say to you].  You shall take in your hand this staff, with which you shall perform the signs [the miracles which prove I sent you].” Exodus 4: 1-14

Outside looking in it is easy for us to be shocked by Moses’ responses to God, but God in His mercy answers every single fear to the fullest, even giving way to allowing Moses to use another man (Aaron) in what God called Moses himself to do.

Gideon— found in Judges chapters 6 and 7, also struggles with questioning the call God spoke.

“And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valour. And Gideon said unto him, Oh my Lord, if the LORD be with us, why then is all this befallen us? and where be all his miracles which our fathers told us of, saying, Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt? but now the LORD hath forsaken us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites. And the LORD looked upon him, and said, Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: have not I sent thee? And he said unto him, Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house. And the LORD said unto him, Surely I will be with thee, and thou shalt smite the Midianites as one man. And he said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, then shew me a sign that thou talkest with me. Depart not hence, I pray thee, until I come unto thee, and bring forth my present, and set it before thee. And he said, I will tarry until thou come again.” Judges 6:12-18

“And Gideon said unto God, If thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said, Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the floor; and if the dew be on the fleece only, and it be dry upon all the earth beside, then shall I know that thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said. And it was so: for he rose up early on the morrow, and thrust the fleece together, and wringed the dew out of the fleece, a bowl full of water. And Gideon said unto God, Let not thine anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once: let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece; let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew. And God did so that night: for it was dry upon the fleece only, and there was dew on all the ground.” Judges 6:36-40

This is interesting because not only is Gideon doubting God, but he sounds a bit peeved as he questions God as really being who he says he is amongst what they had been going through as a people. He speaks to God as if God has not been there all along during the hardships they were facing now. It’s truly hard to stop the story there as it gets even better.

We can see from this however, God isn’t surprised when we go through hard things and question Him, He isn’t surprised by our doubts even. He allows us to be real with Him in our questions and frustrations. He meets us in the mental processing and sifts through it with us if we let Him.

What a personable God.

It is His way— and God does exactly what He spoke to both Moses and Gideon. Each performing incredible miracles that leave anyone astounded at the majesty of God. I won’t specifically go into each one right now, but I think splitting the Red Sea with Moses and the fact that not only did God bring Gideon and His army to victory, He did so by making Gideon reduce the amount of soldiers he had. From 32,000 to 10,000. Still God said too many soldiers and reduce it down to just 300 men to bring to battle and come out victorious (Judges 7:2-8).

I don’t know, but you tell me if it’s a good idea to doubt God? He seems rather good to trust in. Not that He needs to but He has proven over and over He is good by His Word.

And to think— these are only two incredible examples of God calling out men. Not only that, but He clearly had grace with their doubts and produced countless miraculous moments amongst these incredible stories of truth. It’s not one, but many in every story in the word and in our own lives. What awe inspiring hope we have as His children. Not only did God continue to pursue them, but gave grace and met all their needs and concerns they could present. Proof that He desires us— to use us, to participate with us in His plans. Not one He wants to leave out. Giving all of us a choice.

Do we still doubt God?

Yes. We all do. Not one is above. Our human flesh fails us on a daily. It takes the daily looking in the mirror of God’s word to keep ourselves straight. Realigning our thoughts continually with His word and the Holy Spirit. Conditioning of ourselves to walk in the spirit. To accept His truths fully even when we do not understand all the ways in which He works. The painful and the ugly parts of life.

I remember when my husband, Tom, first shared the tug on his heart from the Lord that God was calling us to Pastorship of a new body. God literally spoke the name, the vision, the meaning and the foundational make up of this church plant. Real Church, standing for relationships, evangelism, authenticity and love.

Tom— always so full of confidence, knew without a doubt these were the next steps for our future. I on the other hand was working to hang on to the now of that time. Apparently, I keep a tight grip on things? We were knee deep in a youth group we adored. It was thriving and successful it felt in ministry terms. I was confident and capable in the work we were doing. It was work on a level I was comfortable with and could relate to.

If you know Tom, he often makes jokes that he married a 3-year-old. He refers to my many jokes and constant rifting that I find hilarious that he does not. Truth is laughing is my favorite, so a youth group filled with crazy games, adequate amounts of laughter, and great mixtures of digging in deep at a level they could understand was the perfect mix for me.

It’s no surprise when Tom began to passionately share this desire, that I wasn’t there yet.

Having done other youth ministry, children’s and young adult, I constantly felt like we weren’t getting to “finish” the calling. “The project”. Other dreams and plans hadn’t been completed. On the other hand, per usual fear— as he often does was moving in…I doubting I was good enough, smart enough, knowledgeable enough. 29 years of age and I was intimated at the thought of being a “pastor’s wife” over men and women who most likely had years of wisdom beyond me. How could I possibly offer something to them?

My flesh and thoughts finally could relate to ole’ Gideon and Moses. God spoke the vision plainly, and yet I too teetered between a new vision and fear.

Wrestling back and forth I prayed and tossed. I presented all the possible concerns to my lack. I asked my husband what do I do if I’m asked something I do not know? What is my role in this? He reminded me that we don’t have to pretend to know everything. It is ok to tell someone that you’re not sure about something. That we have the ability to say let me pray about that, study it and get back with you. It’s about being obedient to the call and being flexible for God to meet you in what you don’t have or know but being willing to seek Him for the answers. Tom, as my helpmate, was able to bring peace to my heart through the Holy Spirit’s guidance, reminding me that my job was to simply love people. To love the sheep through and through. To love the flock God would be bringing us.

When we answer the call, God provides the rest.

As you can see a new vision can be overwhelming, just as it was for Moses and Gideon, when we let the “what ifs” roar, and we allow the lack we carry to be louder than the truth and confidence of God’s calling in us. If we could focus on the calling and vision God is always declaring— we can consume what He ask in a much smaller package. The larger vision becomes manageable.

We can gather it’s best to leave the heavy lifting to God.

When I remembered these things. When I worked through them with God and my husband. When my doubts were reassured and I was reminded of God’s leading hand, I could fully step into the call. I wasn’t alone on this journey. One greater than I was along for the ride. I then could consume the task with a keen focus. No, I wasn’t preparing to save an entire nation from a reckless, abusive ruler, nor was I preparing for a battle of warfare. My task was simple, like Jesus, the call was to love. To love people always— no matter the role I was in, no matter the age group, no matter a title or lack of one, the vision was and is always the same.

Love people. Love people. Love people. Feed the sheep.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbals [just an annoying distraction]. 1 Corinthians 13:1 AMP

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

We all have different stories. Moses had a different story. Gideon did too. In the end we can all relate to the fences that work to keep us or delay us from walking freely in what God lays ahead for us. Real Church happened. Walking from one calling to the next happened. We planted in 2017. Many of you know our story. What we thought we would do there forever didn’t happen. But while we tilled and sowed it was beautiful and laborious and we gave all we had and more. We sought God’s heart in all we did. We worked hard to bring a harvest. Still, God called us to a sabbatical season in the summer of 2022. Did not see that coming, but He did. He allowed it. I’ve found I can only be pliable in His hands.

The inadequacy I have felt, as if we never get to finish projects or callings, I must lay at His feet. He gives and He takes away. He shifts and He moves. Perhaps no projects/callings get accomplished in our eyes. Perhaps only God can see where they lead and what they produce. It is conceivable that we are all roamers. Moving along here and there where God sees fit.

My plans, my plans are rubble compared to His.

I realize that God has seen this all along. Foreknew it from the start. Since my first cry out of my mother’s womb. From my “yes” to following Him, He saw me as this. A roaming shepherdess. Perhaps a shepherd for you. What roadmap is laid before me. WOW. For us and those who follow Him.

What stop sign can slow me. Where His feet go, I will go. Where he calls I will follow.

Lost in my thoughts and footsteps, I have and will allow Him to lead me on His rope. He never sets it down. I am with He and He is with I. A beautiful symphony of unity. A melody He creates simultaneously. What disappointment can be had?

Tom, the littles and I took another antiquing adventure, this time up in Michigan, we came upon this picture that spoke volumes to my heart. It reminds me whether my husband is the pastor or not, my call, our call is still present and pressing. The roadmaps will change as God moves us in and out of seasons as He sees fit.

Still, I repeat, the constant vision is true, love people. Feed His sheep. Being the Real Church is always the mission. He is with us, dwelling inside, pushing us to never stop loving His people. It is the calling of our lives. It is the conquest. The purpose. The call. Wherever your feet may go the assignments are the same. Regardless, if you are in a church or out of a church, the charge on our lives continue with the same underlying plans. Whether in a season of ministerial rest or not, at the core, we are always still called to be active in our pursuit of His love and the ability to give it out to others. What crumbs do you have right now? What sources has He laid before you? There is always an opening if we will see it. God can work with that. He’s not a stranger to multiplication of any kind.

His word I find is true— whether we believe it or not. Unexplainable. Our doubts simply steal what He has already given and sometimes it feels delays us? But I guess He knew that too.

I am alive here. At age 38. I am content in the knowing. Working on being settled in the changing. Content in the surrounding He’s placed me in. Time is rushing about in a hurry but you have lovingly forced us to slow. Important is the job you’ve called us. Loud and clear to my soul. Pressure and plans I have placed before you. My hands still yours to be used.

I remember Tom, as a pastor speaking on how he felt like God was calling Real Church to be different, that we would look different, but especially that we were to be fluid. We’re becoming as fluid as it gets I feel.

The chapel doors you have placed in my home. Here is where you have me. Where you have us. I heed myself to Your will. The work is much to do here. The steeples need sturdying up. I calmly light the lanterns and tend to cleaning the shepherds crook. I ask you Father, to kindly put up the fleece blanket— I hear you loud and clear.

I’ve observed Lord that we have a funny way of making things hard when it’s truly always been plain. I hear those sheep wondering about. In you, with you, I will do my part to help call them home.

Doubt is a liar to our lives. He isn’t welcome here no more.

Murky water be made clear.

I sit here, the ocean waves thundering before me, no “particular” vision to speak of, no “body” to call our own. A vast world beyond us challenging us to press on. Calling us beyond walls. Souls thirsty to please even in a sabbatical season. I have arrived at a peace. A peace I’ve never known. A permission to simply be in Him. Always abiding, always dwelling. An approval to “be still” in Him. Even so, the underlying blueprint written on my heart beats on. With a HOPE burning within I bask at His feet. A longing so deep, but a heart of knowing that it’s always just been enough for me to simply be in His presence. I’ve been striving for some time to please, to bring honor, but I’m hungry for the secret place.

There’s a peace here in the quiet. A knowing that I’m safe.

He gathers me, and brings us to new ground. Fills our desires amongst the gentle sway of the surrounding corn fields. Years in the searching of this space. He blesses us with land to explore and call our own. Thoughtfully, lays out chairs for us to sit in. Gently, He asked us to dine with Him for a while. To dwell here.

He presents our beautiful children before us. A flock of those sweet sheep. The sun comes up and the sun goes down. The rushing stops. The clock turns off. Steady and sure while the pace of life rolls to a halt. Our feet are tired and our bodies sore. I think we would like to sit down for a while.

With a heart of gratitude, a quieting of the soul, we agree to this rest. With my hand on His word, my mind on thoughts of Him, we succumb.

“Then the Lord answered me and said, “Write the vision and engrave it plainly on [clay] tablets so that the one who reads it will run. “For the vision is yet for the appointed [future] time it hurries toward the goal [of fulfillment]; it will not fail. Even though it delays, wait [patiently] for it, because it will certainly come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:2-3

I want to dwell here. In the land of assurance. Drenched in a peace that rains.

The sure but fluid call.

Written by Bethany Curee, God’s Daughter – Freckled & Free